Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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