Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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