Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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