i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
