i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
