Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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