DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
