idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
