i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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