1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I believe in your delicious
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
