i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
