You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
