Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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