I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
