I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
