Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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