tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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