Apparently you make a good broom.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
