i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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