I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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