It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
