i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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