My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
