i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
