my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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