what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
