im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
