Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
