My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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