It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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