Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
