Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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