if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
