you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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