you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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