I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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