Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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