I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
