i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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