her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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