You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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