thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
