You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
