Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i think i just lost a toe
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
