Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
did i just pee glitter
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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