just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she peed on how many people?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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