dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
