My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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