She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
