Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
