I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh god it's open bar.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize