At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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