no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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