I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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