just come out here and I will go home with you...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
