she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
