Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
