Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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