Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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