You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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