you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
