i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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