Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
