I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
