He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
