please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
