Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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