all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone came in the potted fern
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
