i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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