awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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